


Caving in

by nebulaesailor



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anxiety, Drabble, Gen, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:26:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9459179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulaesailor/pseuds/nebulaesailor
Summary: Steven feels scared too even if no one notices.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed to vent some of my feelings since it feels like the world is falling apart.

Heavy raindrops drummed against the roof and rolled down the windows, casting the house in a gloomy grey glow that seemed to worsen Steven’s mood even more. He laid on his bed listlessly staring up at the ceiling, drifting in and out of thoughts like a bird gliding from one gust of wind to another. Most of them were about what happened at Pink Diamond’s zoo since it had been less than a week since they got home from the whole ordeal. Others were about his mom and how he seemed to fit into all this mess. All the thoughts had one thing in common, they were all of fear.

He curled in on himself as if to protect himself from the world that was threatening to swallow him whole. He clutched his gem, his mom’s gem, feeling an empty deep ache in the pit of his stomach. How can someone who's gone cause so much pain and trouble for those who are still alive? It’s as if he’s constantly shrouded in her shadow and no matter how much light he produced on his own, he was pulled back into her darkness. 

No one noticed that he was scared all the time. He put on a brave and happy face because people needed him to be brave when they couldn’t. They didn’t see the bags under his eyes from all the nights he woke up crying from nightmares and didn’t go back to sleep so he didn’t have to see the faces of those he unintentionally hurt. They couldn’t know that anxiety hung over him like a cloud, that every so often in the corner of his eye he swore he saw a white butterfly. Everyone was so consumed by their own problems, that they didn’t notice he was caving in from under a weight that shouldn’t have been his to carry. 

He hated feeling like this. He wanted to be happy. It was just so hard to be when the universe constantly felt like it was trying to smother you with things that were way beyond your control. He tried to hold it in the best he could, to keep it at bay so he could keep going. But it was so constant and brutal, it felt a lot easier if he just gave up and hid from everything that ever hurt or scared him. 

He was just so tired. So tired of feeling scared that he won’t be able to protect those he loved. So tired of hating and blaming himself for hurting Bismuth, Jasper, or the Rubies. So tired of hiding and putting aside how he feels just so he could try and help everyone else with their problems. So tired of being attacked and lied to! He was just exhausted from it all! 

His sinuses stung as tears welled up in his eyes. His hands made it’s way to his face as fat ugly tears ran down his cheeks, soaking into his blanket. He sobbed violently, his whole body shaking under the sheer intensity of his emotions. Months of anger, confusion, and fear were washed away as he allowed himself to feel. His nose was runny and stuffed with snot, his whole face was puffy and red. He still shook with sobs long after the tears stopped falling. 

The rain itself was nothing but a soft pattering on the roof, the air hung with a calm stillness that a storm leaves in its wake. Slowly, he let in a long shaky breath and released it. Over and over again until he knew he was okay. He wrapped his blankets around himself and laid on his side with his head facing the window. His mind drifting away under the current of nice simple thoughts like the taste of fresh donuts and the warm security of Garnet’s hugs, towards something softer and nicer than the world around him.

**Author's Note:**

> It seems like Steven would suffer from some anxiety after the sheer amount of shit he's been through. I was inspired by a song called Caving In by Kimya Dawson which the fic is named after. It really seems to fit Steven well.


End file.
